Healing Rays of Righteousness

Another year, another May 1, another Memorial Day has passed. And again, I am grateful to J.B.F. Wright for putting words and melody to the thoughts and feelings that I experience annually during the month of May.

My wife and I experienced the sudden, unexpected death of our first-born, only son, on May 1, 1983. The rest of that month was a painful blurring of time and Memorial Day at the end of the month was simply another day of painful grief and “why” questions.

But in the months and years since that “mayday” crisis, Memorial Day observance has taken on a new focus and meaning for me. And J.B.F. Wright’s hymn, “Precious Memories” has frequently lifted me above death’s painful grief in losing son, parents, siblings, friends, and toward the precious gift of memories they gave me. Sing the words with me.

     Precious mem’ries, un-seen angels, Sent from somewhere to my soul;

     How they linger, ever near me, And the sacred past unfold.

              Refrain:   Precious mem’ries, How they linger, How they ever flood my soul,

                                In the stillness of the mid-night, Precious, sacred scenes un-fold.

     Precious father, loving mother, Fly across the lonely years,

     And old home scenes of my childhood, In fond memory appears.  (Refrain)

     In the stillness of the midnight, Echoes from the past I hear;

     Old-time singing, gladness bringing, From that lovely land somewhere.  (Refrain)

     As I travel on life’s pathway, Know not what the years may hold,

     As I ponder, hope grows fonder, Precious mem’ries flood my soul.  (Refrain)

I agree with Dietrich Bonhoeffer who wrote, “Nothing can make up for the absence of someone whom we love. …It is nonsense to say that God fills the gap. He doesn’t fill it, but on the contrary, he keeps it empty and so helps us to keep alive our former communion with each other, even at the cost of pain.  …The dearer and richer our memories, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude changes the pangs of memory into a tranquil joy. The beauties of the past are borne, not as a thorn in the flesh, but as a precious gift in themselves.”

Contrary to a popular myth, bereavement grief is not a process of forgetting, but rather a process of reconciling ourselves to the loss of relationship with a loved one while also reliving the good memories of that relationship.

Establishing the significance of the life lived in our midst is key to the healing of the pain suffered in the loss. And significance is established as we remember and share memories of that relationship with one another. And to not talk about our relational memories of the person who died is to rob ourselves of good grief work and healing, as well as to rob significance from the one who died.

In his booklet, The Gift of Significance, Doug Manning writes, “The grieving process is a gradual change from the physical presence of a loved one to the sense of presence provided by the memories. The goal is to learn to live with the person not being here. Coping without their presence happens when we begin to find comfort in the memories.”  

One of the most priceless gifts that God gives us through the life of another person is the memory of our relationship with that person. Those memories are ours to keep, to hold, and to cherish. It is a treasure that no one can rob from us, a treasure that never needs to be locked up or buried.

Memories are gifts that take us by the hand and lead us back through the mists of the past to the happy scenes and experiences of yesterday. And when a life has been lived constructively for God and others, the memory of that life is like a beautiful walk through a pleasant garden.

Yes, the Godly memories given us by those now separated from us are very precious gifts. Let us rightly cherish them and freely share them with one another. In doing so, we will both bless and be blessed.

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“Healing Rays of Righteousness” – May 31, 2023

www.geigler13.wordpress.com Ray M. Geigley