2. Sense of Self-Worth
Closely related to the question of self-identity is the question of self-worth. Dr. James Dobson said, “A child can learn to doubt his worth at home even when he/she is deeply loved by their parents. Destructive ideas find their way into the thinking process, leading them to conclude that they are ugly or incredibly stupid or that they have already proven themselves to be a hopeless failure in life.”
The positive sense of self-worth is best nurtured in a home environment of love that daily wraps the child with full acceptance, secure belonging, and affirmation of their individual uniqueness. In every way possible parents need to surround them with love and tell them they have great potential in blessing others with their abilities. In every way possible parents need to be encouraging them to feel competent in achieving worthy achievements.
Seventeen-year-old Steve was in trouble. His parents came to the police station to pick him up. On the way home, his father said, “Whatever happens, I want you to know that I love you.” Absolutely stunned, Steve broke into tears. “Why do you say that now? You never told me that before, Dad.”
It is not always the case, but far too often “not feeling loved” is the back-story of teenagers in trouble with the law or suffering severe depression.
A story by an unknown author tells of a well-known speaker who began his seminar presentation by holding up a new twenty-dollar bill. In the room of two hundred persons, he asked, “Who would like this twenty-dollar bill?” Hands were slowly raised up. He continued, “I am going to give this twenty-dollar bill to one of you, but first let me do this.”
He then crumpled up the bill and asked, “Who still wants it?” Again, the hands went up in the air. “Well,” he asked, “what if I do this?” Dropping the crumpled bill to the floor, he ground it beneath the heel of his shoe, until the bill was not only crumpled but also dirty and torn. “Now who still wants it?” he asked. And again the hands went up.
Then he said, “My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth twenty dollars. Many times in our lives we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what happened or will happen, you will never lose your value in the eyes of those who love you. You are special, and never forget it!”
3. A Sense of Life Values
It is in the home that a child’s sense of life values is shaped and nurtured. It is in the home that they learn what things, (attitudes, activities, beliefs, and goals) really matter in life. By what their parents say and do, children learn what is to be considered vitally important in life? What has lasting good and are of ultimate value? In summary, it is in the home that children learn what living is all about, what is its primary business, “for what do you labor?” in every aspect of life.
Maybe the first and most important life relational value to be learned is that all persons have worth and are special from God’s perspective, and that we need to relate and respond to them as such. Remember the story of the twenty-dollar bill. Although crumbled, dirty, and torn, it never lost its value.
Another important life value that parents should demonstrate is the ability to admit mistakes and to ask forgiveness from the other. Children, especially in our current social environment, need to see this ability as a desired strength rather than a weakness. This life value takes root in a child when their parent does so with them.
I assure you that parents who focus on nurturing and deepening a love relationship with their children will construct a sense of security that cannot be shattered by disciplinary mistakes they make. Instead, it is an opportunity to show our children that even though we are not perfect parents, our love for them compels us to admit our mistake and ask for their forgiveness. Yes, “Love covers a multitude of sins.” And yes, I regret that I did not always give priority to this opportunity in my early parenting years.
There are many more important life-values that I could list but let me conclude with this story that I think illustrates a relational value that I wish for every family.
Two teen-aged boys were talking about doing something that they knew was wrong and would be disapproved by their dads. One of the boys decided he could not go along with the plan. The other boy asked sarcastically, “Are you afraid your dad will find out and hurt you?” Quietly the boy responded, “No, I’m afraid he will find out and it will hurt him.”
There is something very positive and formative about that response. Every child and teen needs to know that their parents are not perfect. But also need to know that their parent’s lives are centered and grounded in being the very best parents they are capable of being. This is my prayer for you.
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“Healing Rays of Righteousness” – June 15, 2022
Ray M. Geigley
Healing Rays of Righteousness 
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