God created mankind in his own image, … male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” (Genesis 1:27-28).
In doing so God created and constructed the male and female in such a way that intimacy, caring, and togetherness would be a necessary part of their carrying out His command. And it is out of the intimacy, caring, and togetherness of our family life, that we can expect certain lasting results in the lives of our children.
I wish to share with you some of what I have learned from others and personally experienced in regard to being “better” parents to our children.
Within each created human being, God placed these five “senses” to which our body responds: hearing, smelling, tasting, seeing, and touch. We are aware and deeply grateful for each of these God-given gifts.
However, we have learned that there are three additional “senses” that are equally vital for our fullest enjoyment of life and relationships. These three senses are not given us at birth but must be learned by experiencing them from our parents. These three “learned” senses are: self-identity, self-worth, and life values.
1. Sense of Self-Identity
It is in the home that our sense of “identity” (who we are) is first shaped and affirmed. “Self-identity” plays a significant and critical part in the development of a healthy young human being. This is best illustrated in a personal story that Dr. Fred Craddock shared in a lecture at Yale University.
He and his wife were on a short vacation trip to Gatlinburg, Tennessee, where they found a quiet little restaurant which they hoped would provide them space to enjoy a private meal. While they were waiting for their meal, they noticed a distinguished looking, white-haired man moving from table to table, visiting the guests. Fred whispered to his wife, “I hope he doesn’t come over here.”
But the man did come by their table and amicably asked, “Where you folks from?” Fred answered, “Oklahoma.” The man continued, “Splendid state, I hear, although I’ve never been there. What do you do for a living?” Fred politely responded, “I teach homiletics at the graduate seminary of Phillips University.” The man said, “Oh, so you teach preachers, do you. Well, I’ve got a story I want to tell you.” And with that he pulled up a chair and sat down at the table with Fred and his wife.
Dr. Craddock said that he groaned inwardly, thinking he was about to hear another preacher story. It seemed everyone had one to tell.
The man stuck out his hand. “I’m Ben Hooper. I was born not far from here across the mountains. My mother wasn’t married when I was born, so I had a hard time. When I started to school my classmates had a name for me, and it wasn’t a very nice name. I used to go off by myself at recess and during lunchtime because the taunts of my playmates cut so deeply.”
“What was worse was going downtown on Saturday afternoon and feeling every eye burning a hole through you. They were all wondering just who my real father was.”
“When I was about 12 years old, a new preacher came to our church. I would always go in late and slip out early. But one day the preacher said the benediction so fast I got caught and had to walk out with the crowd. I could feel every eye in the church on me. Just about the time I got to the door, I felt a big hand on my shoulder. I looked up and the preacher was looking right at me.”
“Who are you, son? Whose boy are you?” “I felt the old weight come on me. It was like a big, black cloud. Even the preacher was putting me down.”
“But as he looked at me, studying my face, he began to smile a big smile of recognition. “Wait a minute,” he said, “I know who you are. I see the family resemblance. You are a son of God.” With that he slapped me across the rump and said, “Boy, you’ve got a great inheritance. Go and claim it.”
The old man looked across the table at Dr. Fred Craddock and said, “That was the most important single sentence ever said to me.” With that he smiled, shook the hands of Fred and his wife, and moved to another table to greet old friends.
Suddenly, Dr. Fred Craddock remembered. On two occasions the people of Tennessee had elected an “illegitimate” to be their governor. His name was Ben Hooper.
That story rightly illustrates just how significantly critical and important a sense of self-identity is in the mature development of a healthy young person. And it is in the home of loving parents that this sense is first experienced and learned.
I am so grateful that I can say that I always felt loved, important, and appreciated by my parents and grandparents during my childhood and teen years. They consistently nurtured in me a sense of belonging and security. I do not remember them ever calling me “dumb, ignorant, stupid, useless” or some other negative characterization. They were a positive influence in shaping my self-identity, and I hope I was the same to my own children.
I will continue with the other two “learned” senses in next week’s blog. In the meantime, ask yourself, “Where, when, and how did I rightly learn to highly value who I am.”
<><><><>
“Healing Rays of Righteousness” – June 8, 2022
Ray M. Geigley
Healing Rays of Righteousness 
Leave a comment